It took me 11 years to talk about this — and why I’m finally doing it face to face
Stronger After The Storm podcast cover — Why I’m Showing Up — heart attack recovery podcast with Dougie Smith
Watch on YouTube
This episode is also available on YouTube if you prefer to listen there.
It Took Me 11 Years to Talk About This
It took me 11 years to talk about this.
After my heart attack, I didn’t just carry the physical side of recovery.
I carried everything that came after it.
The fear.
The silence.
The things I didn’t know how to say.
For a long time, I just got on with things.
Went back to life.
Did what I thought I was supposed to do.
But none of it really left.
It just sat there in the background.
Why I Stayed Quiet
I didn’t talk about it because I didn’t know how to.
And if I’m honest — I didn’t think anyone wanted to hear it.
You carry on.
You get back to work.
You don’t make a fuss.
That’s how a lot of men deal with things.
But what I’ve realised over time is this:
Not talking about it doesn’t make it go away.
It just makes it heavier.
Why I’m Showing Up Now
Something shifted.
Not overnight.
Not in a big moment.
Just gradually.
I started to realise that everything I’d been through —
the fear, the panic, the questions —
wasn’t just mine.
Other men were going through the same thing.
And most of them weren’t talking about it either.
That’s when this started to feel important.
Not just to me —
but to anyone trying to make sense of life after a heart attack.
It’s Often the Head Noise
It’s often around this stage that the mental side becomes louder than the physical side.
Why Face to Face Matters
There’s something different about showing up like this.
Not just talking —
but being seen.
It’s more real.
More honest.
There’s nowhere to hide.
And that’s the point.
Because this whole journey —
it’s not polished.
It’s not perfect.
It’s just real life after something that changes you.
You’re Not the Only One
A lot of what I’ve talked about on here —
the fear, the panic, the quiet moments —
is recognised more widely than we think.
Organisations like the NHS, British Heart Foundation, and American Heart Association all acknowledge the emotional and psychological side of recovery after a heart attack.
But knowing that and living it are two different things.
Listen and Read
You can listen to this episode in the player above or watch on YouTube if you prefer.
This Insight is only part of the conversation.
If this part of the journey feels familiar, you may also connect with:
Final Thought
It took me 11 years to say this out loud.
Not because it wasn’t important —
but because I didn’t feel ready.
If you’re still carrying things you haven’t said yet,
you’re not behind.
You’re just not there yet.
And when you are —
it won’t be perfect.
It’ll just be honest.
If the head noise is still there in the background: