Will I Ever Trust My Body Again?
A storm-blown wood, twelve years on, and how confidence comes back in wee pieces.
Going back to work after a heart attack is one of the biggest questions in heart attack recovery for men over 50. For me, it took three months to rebuild the strength and confidence to return to forestry. The work came back first. Trusting my body took longer, and it came back in wee pieces.
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I filmed this one in the wood where I work, among the trees the storm brought down.
What does a heart attack feel like to the man inside?
Last weekend, a storm came through the wood where I’m working.
These trees have stood for decades. Tall, strong, built for any weather Scotland can throw at them. And in one night, a lot of them hit the ground.
It got me thinking. That’s what a heart attack can feel like. One night, out of the blue, a storm hits. And the one thing you thought could never fall, you, is lying on the ground.
Will I ever be able to do my job again?
If you’re in the early days, there might be a question on your mind you haven’t come to terms with yet.
Will I ever be able to do my job again? Whatever that job might be.
Not just the work. Being the man who goes out the door in the morning with his bait bag and flask, and has done for years. The one who earns. The one who fixes. The provider. The one who takes care of everyone and just gets on with it.
But when you’re sitting at home, days or weeks out of hospital, struggling to walk to the door, never mind out of it, that question can feel huge.
If your head’s full of questions like that right now, the free 7-Day Mind Reset Plan was written for exactly this stage.
How long did it take me to go back to work?
I know that question, because I asked it too.
It was three months before I’d built up the strength and confidence to go back to forestry. I felt as ready as I could be. But I didn’t have a clue whether my body, or my heart, could manage all the things I used to do.
I knew I was going to take it steady and not rush. And I had good lads around me who knew what I’d been through. It was probably as much of a worry for them as it was for me.
I was focused on my work, every part of it. But I was more focused on my insides. My mind wouldn’t allow the switch off.
“I was focused on my work, but I was more focused on my insides. My mind wouldn’t allow the switch off.”
Where am I twelve years on?
Twelve years on, every working day since, this is where I am.
Five days a week in the woods. Chainsaws. Heavy timber. Wrestling with trees that don’t care how you’re feeling that day. And I love it. I’m happiest out in nature.
I’m not telling you that to show off. Far from it. I’m telling you because twelve years ago, I couldn’t have pictured this either.
How does confidence come back after a heart attack?
Confidence doesn’t come back all at once. It comes back in wee pieces.
The first walk out the door. The first time you lift something without thinking about it. The first full day, or even just an hour, where you forget that anything happened.
When is your body ready to go back to work?
That’s not my call, and it’s not yours either. Your cardiac team will tell you when your body’s ready. That’s their job, and they do it well. Trust them on it.
For clinical guidance on recovery and returning to work, these are good places to start:
- NHS: Heart attack recovery
- British Heart Foundation: Heart attack
- American Heart Association: Life after a heart attack
The confidence part is yours to rebuild. Slowly. One piece at a time.
Listen and Read
You can listen to this episode above or watch it on YouTube. If this one spoke to you, these might too: Finally Listening to My Body, Face to Face With Your Own Mortality and The Same Date Twice.
Final Thought
These trees came down. But this wood isn’t finished. Far from it. We clear it, we tidy it, and it grows again.
And so will you.
One steady step at a time.
Dougie