The quiet moments that remind you you’re still here
I pulled the bike into a lay-by at St Mary’s Loch, cut the engine, and for a moment there was nothing but the hills reflecting on the water and the sound of my own breathing. Twelve years on from my heart attack, that’s where my own mortality found me this time. Not at a hospital appointment or a big family occasion, but on a quiet autumn afternoon in the Scottish Borders. It’s a side of heart attack recovery for men over 50 that nobody really warns you about.
Stronger After the Storm episode graphic for Face to Face With Your Own Mortality
Watch on YouTube
You can now watch the full episode on YouTube if you prefer
Letting the Soul Catch Up
It was a beautiful autumn Saturday. Nothing planned. Nowhere to be.
So I took the bike out. Just me and the road.
It’s the closest thing I’ve got to checking out for a while. Letting the soul catch up with itself.
Kelso to Selkirk. Up the Yarrow Valley. Past St Mary’s Loch and on to Moffat. Not a big expedition. Just an afternoon on the roads close to home, a road plenty of bikers know and love, and for good reason.
Out there you settle into a rhythm. If you ride, you’ll know what I mean. Almost meditative, but never switched off. A strange kind of stillness that has you wide awake at the same time, scanning the road, the bends, and all of nature’s art around you.
I Could Have Missed This
Since my heart attack, a thought comes with moments like that. One that never used to.
I could have missed all this.
On Saturday, I didn’t ride straight through it. I pulled in at the loch, cut the engine and just stood there a minute. Taking it in properly.
That’s when it hit hardest. Standing still, the water in front of me, the hills folded into it.
It’s the kind of moment that speaks to your soul.
I’m so glad I’m here for this. Still here to feel it. Still here, full stop.
If the head noise is still a little loud grab the free 7-Day Mind Reset here. I built it out of my own experience looking back at my early days of recovery
Coffee, Toffee and a Fire Waiting
I rode on to Moffat after that. Stopped for a coffee and a bag of the town’s famous toffee.
That’s for the soul, mind. Not the heart.
Then home with a clear but tired head. To the couch, and a fire Ali had going for me before I’d even got my boots off.
Nothing remarkable about any of it. And that’s exactly the point.
“It’s become less about survival and more about being a witness.”
Where Mortality Finds You Now
This October it’s twelve years since my heart attack. The stent’s still holding up. The heart’s still going strong.
What I’ve learned in that time is that the moments my own mortality comes back to me aren’t always the big, obvious ones. A family occasion. A milestone.
Sometimes it’s a Borders loch on an autumn afternoon. A bag of toffee. A fire someone’s lit for you.
Any moment that lifts you, that really speaks to your soul, is a moment your mortality can find you in, and remind you what life’s worth.
The NHS, the British Heart Foundation and the American Heart Association all recognise that recovery after a heart attack isn’t only physical. The emotional side matters too. For me, those feelings have changed shape over the years. Less fear. More gratitude.
Becoming a Witness
I think that’s the truth of it. You don’t get to choose when it hits you. You just get to choose what you do with the moment when it does.
For me, it’s become less about survival and more about being a witness. To the loch. To the toffee. To the fire waiting at home.
And not letting any of it pass by unnoticed.
Listen and Read
You can listen to the full episode in the player above, or watch the episode on YouTube.
If this one landed with you, you might also find something in Getting Older Without Fear, The Day I Felt Normal Again and Planting a Tree For Someone I’ll Never See.
Final Thought
I’ve learned not to ride straight through those moments anymore. To pull in, cut the engine, and let them land.
Still here to feel it.
If you struggle to slow your mind down long enough to sit with moments like these, the 7-Day Mind Reset Plan is a good place to start.