What happens when you start carrying other people’s weight on top of your own
When you’ve been honest about something hard you’ve been through, people start opening up to you. That’s a good thing — until you realise you’re pouring out more than you’re putting back in. This is about the line between showing up for others and quietly running yourself into the ground doing it.
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Watch on YouTube
This episode is also available on YouTube if you prefer to watch there.
When People Start Opening Up to you
When you open up about something real — something you’ve actually been through — people respond to that. They reach out. They share. They say me too.
I was talking with a mate the other day at work. Just a normal conversation really. And by the end of it he said he thought he’d go and get himself checked out.
I remember driving home thinking — maybe this stuff really does matter.
And that matters more than I can put into words.
The Bit I Didn’t See Coming
But there’s something I’ve had to learn along the way. Something I maybe should have seen coming, but didn’t.
When you’ve been through something like this, and you understand what that fear feels like, what that uncertainty feels like, what it’s like to carry something quietly for years — it’s very easy to start carrying other people’s weight too.
To feel responsible. To feel like if someone’s struggling, it’s on you to fix it.
I know where that comes from. It comes from a good place. But it can quietly hollow you out if you’re not careful.
Pouring Out More Than I Was Putting Back In
I had a moment — not long after I started this — where I realised exactly that. I was pouring out more than I was putting back in.
And you can’t sustain that. Not long term. Not without it costing you something.
So I’ve had to get honest with myself about what this actually is. And what it isn’t.
This isn’t me having the answers. It was never that.
This is me being honest about my own experience. Sharing what I’ve felt, what I’ve learned, what’s helped — and letting that be enough.
Because that’s actually more useful than trying to fix anything for anyone.
If you’re the one people lean on — the one who shows up for everyone else — your own head needs looking after first. That’s exactly where the 7-Day Mind Reset Plan came from.
Just Showing Up, Steady
The steadiest thing I can offer is just showing up honestly. From a place that’s grounded. Not running on empty. Not trying to be everything to everyone.
Just here. Consistent. Real.
And still looking after myself in the process — because my recovery still matters too.
The British Heart Foundation talks about the importance of looking after your own mental wellbeing during recovery, not just your physical health. The NHS also recognises that supporting others can be valuable for recovery, but stresses the need for balance and not overextending yourself. The American Heart Association similarly highlights self-care as part of long-term heart health, not separate from it.
You’re Not the Only One
If you’ve ever felt that weight — of wanting to help but not knowing where the line is — you’re not on your own with it. I’d genuinely like to know I’m not either.
Listen and Watch
You can listen to this episode in the player above or watch on YouTube if you prefer.
This Insight closes out a run of episodes that have all been circling the same thing — letting go of who you were, the gap between knowing and doing, saying goodbye to the life before. If any of that resonates, you might want to start there:
👉 Letting Go of the Old You
👉 The Gap Between Knowing and Doing
👉 Saying Goodbye to the Life Before
Final Thought
I’m not here because I’ve got it all figured out.
I’m here because I’ve been through it, and I’m still going through bits of it — and if sharing that honestly helps even one person feel less alone, then it’s worth it.
But it only works if I keep looking after myself too. That’s not selfish. That’s the whole point.
If the head noise is still there in the background: