What happens when you already know the answer — and when you don’t
After a heart attack, the question arrives sooner or later. Why me? For some men the answer is there waiting. For others it never comes. This is about both — and what you do with the question either way.
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This episode is also available on YouTube if you prefer to watch there.
I Already Knew the Answer
When the why me question hit me after my heart attack, I already knew it.
Before the heart attack I was running two hotels. Two busy kitchens, busy bars, lots of staff, an outside catering events business. I was working from six in the morning — sometimes earlier — until one or two the next morning. Under constant stress. Rarely stopping.
One day I looked in the mirror in the bathroom and thought — this business is killing you. You’ve got to change this.
So I gave up the hotels. A big decision. Took a few months off just to breathe.
And I thought — well, you’ve dodged the bullet. Well done.
I Thought I’d Fixed It
I got back in touch with a friend I’d worked with in forestry years earlier. He had plenty on. I went back out into the hills — fresh air, physical work, good banter. I thought this is great. This is exactly what I needed.
Then pneumonia hit. Two or three months off. Built myself back up. Got back to work over the summer.
Life was great again.
Then the heart attack hit later that year.
Blame Didn’t Land the Same Way
In recovery, dealing with a lot of mental issues alongside the physical ones, I kept coming back to the why me question.
But because I already understood why — the stress, the hours, the years of running on empty — the blame didn’t really stick in the same way. I understood it. And understanding it meant I could move past it.
What came instead was gratitude. Recovery was the way forward. Gratitude was the way forward. Not sitting and dwelling.
But Not Everyone Knows Why
And here’s the thing — a lot of people don’t get that clarity.
There are men out there searching hard for the answer and never finding it. And that searching can keep you stuck in a place that doesn’t serve your recovery.
This past week I lost a mate. A younger guy. Someone I’d known a long time. Fit enough, sociable, enjoyed life, played football. A good lad by anyone’s measure.
He passed away with a heart attack.
That hit me hard. And it brought something back — that quiet, uncomfortable question. Why did I survive and he didn’t? It comes back to you when you lose someone like that. And I know I’m not the only one who’s sat with that since having a heart attack. It’s happened with two or three people I’ve known.
If you’re in that searching place right now — the 7-Day Mind Reset Plan came directly from that period of confusion and questioning. It’s free and it’s there if you want it.
Letting the Question Go
There’s no guilt in surviving. But there is a quiet reminder in losing someone — that the second chance you’ve been given is real, and it matters.
If you’re sitting there questioning yourself, searching for the why, and the answer just isn’t coming — you may never find it. And that’s genuinely hard to sit with.
The NHS, the British Heart Foundation, and the American Heart Association all have information and guidance that can help you understand the risk factors and the medical side of what happened. Use those resources. Get informed.
But don’t get stuck in the searching.
Let gratitude in. Be thankful for the second chance. Because not everyone gets one — and you did.
Listen and Watch
You can listen to this episode in the player above or watch on YouTube if you prefer.
If this connects with where you are right now, you might also find something in these:
👉 Who Am I Now?
👉 The Gap Between Knowing and Doing
👉 Saying Goodbye to the Life Before
Final Thought
You may never get the answer to why me.
But you did get a second chance.
And what you do with that — how you live it, how you recover, how you show up — that’s the only answer that really matters now.
If the head noise is still there in the background: